I haven’t written recently because I have been incredibly busy with family commitments. While I rejoice in some aspects of what has happened, there have been many challenges.
Never did I expect as a woman in her 60’s to be the sandwich generation. I am currently babysitting a precious granddaughter during the day, her sister later in the day, and coping with issue with my aging parents. There have been a lot of changes in my life, we moved from one state to another, did a major renovation, moved my parents from one state to here, found care for mom, come to terms that my dad is also declining. All of this is just a few short months. The busyness of all this has kept me distracted from what is going on in the world, or more specifically in my country.
Today I am discouraged. I grew up in a generation where National pride was prevalent. My dad served for 20 years in the navy and I was surrounded by an environment of service to this nation. I have watched as this new generation has been brainwashed by liberals and many have no idea of the value of the freedom we have enjoyed. Some have taken to the extreme of being embarrassed that we have been a great nation that has blessed so many other nations. People have turned on all authority, I can’t help but think its because parents allowed their kids to think they were the most important person in their lives and as a consequence, the kids believed all should cater to their demands. When young people granted not all , but a generalization, believe their selfish demands are more important than the whole as a nation, decisions are made without regard to consequences. Too many of this generation have never lived with consequences. You are about to learn the hard way.
Why am I writing this when my blog is about my walk with God? Good question. I am processing all that has happened. I can acknowledge and see how God has worked out things in so many ways. Unfortunately, I have a weakness in my faith. I am aware of it, have battled it for years. I wish I could say I have had the victory but each time I go through this, it is always a shock for me. There are times when I have been so disappointed with circumstances that I have questioned my faith, God’s faithfulness. A few times, I have thrown my hands up so to speak and declared myself done. Foolishly. In the end, I come crawling back and wonder how I had gotten to that place of turning on God with my accusations. Unfortunately I have been too quick to do this, too many times. Thankfully, God has known my heart better than I. He is big enough to handle my anger and frustration.
So what has sent me into this tail spin this time? Watching this election, being able to see what will happen with the liberal communist party in power. I am depressed that all that I have valued and held dear has been thrown away. I have with great hope, been listening to the prophets who have proclaimed loudly and without backing down, that God has a plan. That he will rescue us. My thoughts went dark as I remember all the other societies, countries where God has allowed evil to prevail over his people. Nazi’s and what they did to the Jewish people, Communism that overtook nations in the past, loss of rights, freedoms, heavy taxation. I have held on to the verse that if my people will humble themselves and pray, then I will answer. I have never witness such an outpouring of prayers and worship in this land. Many Christians are holding on despite what it appears in the natural. That is good. We know that God is good, always. So why this test of our faith? Why do I always fail? Why do I question God’s wisdom? He knows the whole picture, I don’t. This blog today won’t end with a feel good quote or expression of faith. I am just being honest on what my battle is.
I have to remind myself, that God is not answerable to me. Rather, I am answerable to him. Today, my body is sore and I am coughing. My husband got tested positive for Covid and now I am thinking I have it again. That depresses me. I am tired. Tired mentally, emotionally, and physically. I need to get myself before God. I need to just remember all the times he has been faithful and true to me, my family. I need to remember all the answers of prayers he has done. I need to focus on what he has done, not what I perceive he hasn’t. Somehow I will get through this season. I hope with greater faith and a stronger reliance and trust in God. Just know if you have doubted God at times, you aren’t alone. Faith isn’t grown by things being easy. The battle is real for our minds, our emotions, our thoughts, our faith. Don’t let yourself go into a self pity of doubt. Rather be like the Israelites. They would put up pillars of faith and remembrance of God’s goodness, mercy and faithfulness. Let your memories of what God has done for you personally, do the same for you. Focus on his faithfulness and his words which can not fail. He is not a man that he can lie, nor be deceitful. Focus on his character and who he really is, and not who you want him to be. I have found in the past, all my disappointments and anger towards God had more to do with my misunderstanding the character of God.
I will be back, hopefully soon with an encouragement and resolution of my battle and allow you to see how he has brought me thought this. All of this is in real time.