Have you ever experienced the presence of God? This morning I am thinking about all the amazing experiences I have had with God in my life time. I had a conversation with a friend a couple of months ago and realized she had never “felt” the presence of God. It shocked me. I had assumed all these years that everyone felt the presence of God. It is the wonderful sense of his presence in my life that motivates me to pursue him. It is my belief that is what motivates others as well. Once you have experienced this, there is no going back. You need it again.
When God draws near to me, it is like being hugged by love. My senses start to tingle as I feel him drawing close. I love the embrace as He covers me with Himself and I feel my heart straining to connect with him. Everything in me responds to him and I feel the limitations of my physical being unable to fully engage in his love and my own expression of love to him. It is an intensity that I am addicted to have over and over. This is what has driven me over the years to know him more, to understand his ways. I have never known the intensity of this kind of love with a human. We as humans love deeply but the connection of our hearts with God’s heart is without compare. God IS LOVE. Of course there are so many more aspects of God but this is a central part of who God is. I believe over the years it is this intense love that God has for us and we have for him that has been the root of mankind being driven to pursue God.
I started this blog to share my experiences with God to help others as they are on their path. So many things that God does aren’t being shared and mentored with new believers. We as new believers start with this excitement of our salvation. Then when God baptisms us in the Holy Spirit, there is a new level of excitement and zeal to pursue God with Wonder.
I am not sure where the derailment comes in. I know we have an enemy that is determined to kill, steal and destroy. He attacks us subtly and sometimes with boldness. The hits start to erode our armor. We grow weary. I noticed there are cycles with our walk. It would be so lovely to say that once we are born again, that life is easy. It isn’t. Sometimes it is harder. Those things that challenge our faith, are also what grows our faith. We pick up wrong impressions of God through wrong teachings, or somehow our process of thinking. We make assumptions that are not true. God won’t let us stay in those false beliefs. He will strip those things from us. During those times it is painful. We question not only our beliefs, but also our belief in God. Then we encounter the true God and our wonder begins again. Over our lifetime, He draws us deeper. We can respond or we can resist. In my case, I am embarrassed to share that I have had my share of resistance. I never win those battles. Just saying. Ultimately it is the deep inner need I have for God in my life that causes me to stop fighting and accept what God is doing in my life.
I have shared here the battles that I have engaged in these last few years. These years in many ways have been the most difficult of my life. Many things have been stripped away. Do I still have wrong perceptions of God? Most likely. It is this struggle that has brought me to where I am today. When I speak of being in the desert and struggling, it is because I haven’t felt the presence of God recently. I hate the desert. I hate not feeling His presence. I long for it. It is apart of my essential needs in life. This need to feel God’s love is what draws me to seek to understand if I have done something that has displeased him. Do I need to change a thought I have that isn’t of him? I have experienced and read of others talking about being in the desert for years at times. This is where I have been. I have had moments of hope when I felt his presence. It just hasn’t been the consistency that I desire. I am starting to come out of the desert. More and more I am being drawn back into that place of intimacy with him. I have a ways to go, but I am leaning into this again. It brings a relief to my emotions and thoughts. I know the perfection of being with him will only happen in eternity. In the mean time, I will seek him.