This morning as I think about my parents and where they are at this point in their lives, some things stand out to me. My parents started life with basically nothing. Mom grew up in a two room cabin and out house. Indoor plumbing was a hand pump in the kitchen. They had to heat the water on the stove for baths. Dad’s parents were always moving and each move to more of a dump. Dad joined the US Navy. He and mom started with barely enough money to feed themselves. The military didn’t pay very well. They would have qualified for food stamps but they were too proud to ask for help.
They raised their family of three children. They gave us what they could. Mom would make my dresses for school and once a year we would go shopping for shoes. When they bought their first house, $11,000 it was a big deal. It was tiny. But we all loved it.
Dad went to college while working and earned his degree in 2 years and graduated with honors. Mom went to work to help pay the tuition while they waited for reimbursement from the military. Mom working is what paid for all three of us kids go to college. Slowly they were able to accumulate things they loved. Nice furniture, art work, a nicer home, they even traveled internationally.
Then started the decline. Mom had been diagnosed with a short term memory disorder. It was a slow decline. It’s been 13 years. In the last 4 years, they have lived in assisted living situations. it became necessary to downsize their belongings. The things that they had been so proud to accumulate and loved, now are given away. It was painful for them, since each of those items represented a sacrifice to acquire. Even now as we prepare for mom to die, dad is thinking of what else he will be getting rid of. Ultimately, the treasures they loved are as nothing. In their final years, they are back to the basics with a few beloved treasures. Those too will soon be disbursed. What remains of two lives lived fully? Not the belongings, not the treasures.
What remains is the love they shared and modeled to their children. Even as I watch my mom, who has become a skeleton in the end, material things have absolutely no value to her. What she values, and responds to is expressions of love. She is still able to look at us with shinning tender love. She loves kisses and hugs. Her animation and joy has been dialed done to a faded version, but that love shining out of her eyes has not been diminished. The tenderness and love dad expresses in his looks towards her also testify of love and devotion to the woman he has been married to for 63 years. In the end, as the Bible says, they too will return to dust. All the possessions will have been discarded. All that will remain is the love; Their love for us, their children, the grandchildren, and in our memories, the love that bonded them for all these decades. Their love, established the next generation, and someday we too will go the path of our parents. We too spent our lives accumulating things which will be discarded. The cycle continues. Possessions mean nothing to the dying person. It is the Love that has value and ultimately it is the only thing that remains, passed down through the generations.