Revelation of God’s love

Perhaps you are like me; I had heard people testify of how they have experienced God’s unconditional love.  I would hear these reports, yet I couldn’t think of a single moment in my life that I was aware of experiencing that love wash over me. So many times I felt left out and that perhaps I didn’t measure up somehow. Did he love me less? Did He love others more?

Don’t get me wrong, I knew that I loved Him.  I would feel His wonderful presence at different times, worship, and prayer time and sometimes He would just envelope me.  I would be aware of how much I loved Him; my eyes would fill with tears. Yet even when I was most aware of my love for God, yet I never remember experiencing that sent back to me.  Many of my experiences with God have been warped by my lack of understanding of Him and His ways.  Intellectually I could say I knew that God loved me. The Bible tells us this, Jesus died for me, for my sins. Knowing something that has been taught to you is vastly different from experiencing it yourself.

Many years ago, when I was faced with the fear of Death, God spoke to me as a child reassuring me that the real me would come to live with him. This experience showed me that God was there for me that He listened and was aware of what was going on in my life. Yet this experience left me feeling a little raw. I would wonder why He allowed me to experience this, why the fear of death lingered in me? Why didn’t he just wrap His arms of love around me and HOLD me tight as He spoke words of life to me? 

When people around me would manifest from the experience of God’s presence, I didn’t. When people would laugh until they had tears rolling down their cheeks, I would wonder why not me?, Finally God addressed this by telling me very clearly “Don’t strive for what I am doing in others; I have a higher purpose for you.” That had to be enough. He still knew my address; He still knew how to touch me and had chosen not to. I was the observer so many times. I could delight that others would have a life changing touch, a feel good moment. There was acceptance, but still a hole in my heart. A lingering feeling of rejection or abandonment from my childhood that had taken root, would pop up its ugly head to taunt me.

Recently I had an unexpected gift.  I was invited to a mini conference for leaders in the body.  Little did I know how sweet this experience would be for me.  During the worship I became aware of God’s presence.  I could feel my love for Him.  Later I had an opportunity to pray for someone that God healed just as I prayed for her. That just made me feel so grateful.  A short time later, we were in ministry groups and God had some prophets speak these incredulous words of how He sees me. It didn’t end there, He reinforced the words by having others who hadn’t been in my group, walk up to me to confirm the words that had been spoken over me.

I was amazed. From that point on, something in me was softened and I became aware of this gentleness of God’s love enveloping me. It stayed with me for the next couple of days.  The lasting effect of this is that I now look at things differently. I hear worship songs differently. They have fresh revelation and meaning to me. There is greater depth in my appreciation of His greatness and generosity of love.  When I contemplate His love, it occurs to me that it is only natural that we would love him back.  How can you not love someone who loves you so much? The verse of We love Him because He first loved us now rings true in my heart.  He sees us so differently than we see ourselves.

We dwell on our short comings, we beat ourselves up for our imperfections and mistakes. He doesn’t count our failures or use them against us. Our mistakes don’t affect his love for us. He already knows the best and the worst in each of us. Yet He still loves us. The wonder of it all, He sees the beauty in us, He sees how He created us to be.  Each of us has been created in His image.  We all are a reflection of our Father.  We humans look upon our children with great love and indulgence.  So too does our heavenly Father.  He looks upon the beauty within us, He sees our hearts and is moved by what He sees.  He tells us that there is nothing good that He will withhold from us.  Our cares, our concerns are His. His wisdom is greater than ours and He knows how to work all things for good.