Greetings.
I have been pondering a lot of things lately. Turning 61 has me reflecting on life as I walk out the process of my parents declining and understanding in a new way the temporal nature of life.
I have been reflecting a lot on my life and really starting to see things differently. This morning when I woke up, I had an unease and even fear as I contemplated a major purchase for us. My husband and I are preparing for retirement and trying to discern where that should be. In our logic, it makes sense to be closer to our children. We identified a location that “appears” to be the most logical. We even put in a purchase offer yesterday and received a counter offer.
This is where the fear and unease crept in. I am going back and forth as to whether this is the right thing to do. I have some very logical reasons for going forward and some very logical reasons to stop this and wait. As I angst in my prayers, I decided to distract myself. I found myself listening to a spontaneous worship session by Molly Skaggs.
As I listened and closed my eyes, I found myself viewing things differently. I could see my life as being very temporary. The choices and decisions we make have no real impact on eternity when it comes to our personal preferences of a house or lifestyle we enjoy. Those are just preferences. I felt that God was saying that we can choose things that we enjoy and want for our lives and in the end it doesn’t really matter. (As long as we don’t dishonor him or his kingdom)
When I put this in perspective, I recognize that we can go forward if we want to, or not. God allows for these choices. But I can’t let fear dictate what we do. When it’s all said and done, God is faithful and he is our provider. It’s as though he is asking me, ” What do you want?” So it comes back to me. What do I want?
What do I want my remaining years on earth to look like? How do I want to surround my life? What do I still want to do before I run out of time? What are the most important priorities to me? What will make me feel that I have lived the life I wanted to live and finished well?
Whether we decide to buy the house today or not, God is still on his throne and it’s not the end of the world if we make a mistake. Our decision won’t change the course of eternity, and when our lives are done, it won’t matter where we choose to live. The important thing is How we chose to finish. What we do in our final chapters, who we surround our lives with, who we invest in. Those are more important.
We need to stop anguishing about our decisions and just examine ourselves and see what our hearts are telling us. God is very loving and wants us to enjoy the life he gave us. Too often we are so focused on the things of the world, that we allow those expectations of others, to influence our decisions. We make decisions based on a perception as to what the world around us expects; rather than what makes us happy, content, brings us joy. I honestly believe that much of our anxiety and fears are from not following what is in our heart and what we know is right for us.
Yes, pray, seek God’s wisdom. He often has something better than we expect or hope for. He does allow the Good, but often has a Best if we ask him. Ultimately it is your life and only you know what brings you joy. God wants you to enjoy your life. Yes, he has a master plan for you, a purpose and a destiny, but you have choices. God’s question to you is, “What do you want?”