As I posted last week the word of the Lord to me to just Rest, has been frustrating. This morning I am thinking of another aspect of Rest that I have to acknowledge is really God’s mercy towards me.
For those who don’t know me, My mom has Alzheimers. It is a dreadful disease. My dad is her care giver. Prior to moving to PA, I convinced my dad to move closer to me in Wisconsin in order to help him more. I had been driving down to Illinois once a week to help and it was becoming difficult to do that. So he agreed to move, and imagine my surprise when God decided to move me. I felt guilty having my parents sell their home and have to get rid of their treasures they had collected over their life time. Plus the stress of all the disruptions they endured. When I got here, I took my confusion and frustration to God. I asked, “Why did you move us? You know my parents need me.” No answer.
In the course of the last two years, I have faithfully flown out to help my parents every 4 to 6 weeks on average. Each time the visit is stressful. I stay with them 24 hours a day while there. I see first hand what is really going on. I wouldn’t have understood the full reality of the hardship my dad is enduring if I just visited during the day for a few hours. I knew it was hard on him, but the impact of actually being there around the clock just brought it to a new awareness. The role of caregiver is taking its toll on my dad. My mom continues to decline. It is heartbreaking to watch.
I recently was there for 8 days. My dad had surgery, my mom was sick. I felt the stress of taking care of them both. I knew I would be exhausted when I got home. I am. But something happened after I left. A new level of
difficulty in dealing with my mom. My dad was beside himself. When he told me over the phone, I just felt overwhelmed. I was angry and frustrated.
This morning as I pondered all that is happening with my parents, I recognize how God moving me is really a protection he has provided for me. Because I am too far away to just run over and take care of the situation, I have to let it go. I realized this last year but somehow forgot. The reality is that my siblings need to step up their involvement. If I was there, it wouldn’t happen. Because God separated me by distance, it really prevents me from becoming bogged down in all the details and trials they are going though. He is in essence forcing me to rest.
He knows my heart, he knows I would serve until I was worn out. I do wear out as it is, but I can’t imagine what I would be if I was on hand to be dealing with each disaster. Of course I would love to more available, but I have to acknowledge God has wisdom in preventing me to do this. I wouldn’t put limits on myself, so God had to.
What are you dealing with in your life that you have taken too much to heart? What are you loosing perspective on and wearing yourself out trying to do? God loves our hearts of compassion, and he loves when we serve others. He also knows we have physical and emotional limitations. Are you getting frustrated by God removing you from your heart cry? Maybe its time to recognize God wants you to rest too. He wants you to be renewed to do what you need to do, in the timing you need to do it. We don’t always understand His ways, but we have to remember he sees all. He knows what we can’t know in our limitations of time. He is a father that loves us and who knows what our limits are. Just as any loving parent he also knows when to give us a time out for our own good. I want to encourage you, when you get angry or frustrated by your circumstances, remember God has this. He will get you through this with his wisdom. Just let go and trust God. I know I am.